Finding Peace, Power, and Belonging: A Holiday Survival Guide for Real Humans
The holidays arrive each year wrapped in glittery expectations — nostalgic traditions, big family gatherings, joyful celebrations, and picture-perfect moments. At least, that’s the fantasy. But for many people, the season brings a very different reality: emotional overwhelm, strained family dynamics, loneliness, dysphoria, exhaustion, or the pressure to perform a version of “holiday spirit” that doesn’t feel authentic.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. That’s exactly why spaces like ours have created a Holiday Survival Guide — not as a checklist of “how to do the holidays right,” but as a compassionate resource to remind you that this season is yours to shape, redefine, and navigate at your own pace.
This is a season of choice. A season of affirming your needs. A season of designing rituals that nourish you rather than drain you. Here’s how to approach the holidays with more ease, intention, and self-compassion.
Honoring Your Identity and Creating Your Own Traditions
We often inherit holiday rituals we never chose. Maybe they feel comforting — or maybe they feel outdated, exclusionary, or painful. For queer, trans, BIPOC, neurodivergent, disabled, or otherwise marginalized people, traditional holiday expectations can feel especially heavy.
But here’s the truth:
You are allowed to create celebrations that reflect you.
Your identity is not an inconvenience. It’s a source of beauty and strength. And the holidays can be a time to embrace that.
Consider what brings you joy and peace:
Cozy nights with a book or favorite show
A potluck with chosen family
A quiet walk with a warm drink
A “you-only” celebration with small treats and soft music
A queer-joy gathering or identity-affirming event
Crafting, baking, creating, or volunteering
Traditions don’t need to be grand or inherited. They can be tender, tiny, joyful, unconventional — and fully yours.
The Power of Chosen Family
Family during the holidays is complicated. Some people feel nourished by biological relatives; some feel unsafe; some feel unseen; some feel the loss of what they wish they had. There’s no “right” experience.
But chosen family is real family, and it deserves celebration. Whether that’s friends who affirm your identity, a community group that offers warmth, or even online spaces where people just get you — connection doesn’t need to follow a traditional mold to matter.
This season, consider:
Hosting or attending a low-pressure holiday hangout
Planning a group video call with people who uplift you
Sharing comfort food, stories, or queer joy rituals
Creating a “We survived this year” celebration
Checking in with each other through simple texts
Belonging is built, not assigned. And the holidays can be a time to honor the family you choose.
Building Emotional Safety Through Boundaries
The holidays often put us in situations where boundaries get tested — or ignored. But boundaries are not walls; they are self-compassion in action. They help you stay grounded, present, and protected.
Try creating a Holiday Boundary Toolkit. This might include:
Phrases you can use when you feel overwhelmed
Limits around time, conversations, or topics
Plans for stepping away or taking breaks
A reminder that “no” is a complete sentence
Some useful scripts:
“I’m not comfortable discussing that.”
“Let’s talk about something else.”
“I need a quick break — I’ll be right back.”
“Thanks for the invite, but I can’t make it this year.”
Your comfort matters. Your voice matters. And your boundaries are valid.
Having an Exit Strategy: Permission to Leave
Not every holiday event is peaceful. Many are stressful, emotionally charged, or simply draining. One of the kindest gifts you can give yourself is permission to leave — without guilt.
Think ahead:
Do you have your own ride or rideshare plan?
Is there a friend you can text for grounding?
Do you want to set a time limit before you go?
Can you take breaks outside or in a quiet space?
Leaving doesn’t make you dramatic. It makes you self-aware.
You deserve to feel safe — emotionally and mentally.
Comfort Plans: Small Rituals for Big Feelings
Holiday emotions can be intense — a mix of nostalgia, joy, grief, hope, loneliness, excitement, or exhaustion. You don’t need to silence any of them. Instead, create a comfort plan to support yourself through whatever comes up.
Some grounding ideas:
Cozy blankets, warm drinks, or scented candles
A playlist that soothes or matches your mood
Journaling or voice-memo reflections
Mindful breathing or stretching
Watching familiar shows or comfort movies
Creative outlets: coloring, crafting, painting
A slow walk with a hot beverage
A holiday-themed “self-date”
Comfort doesn’t require productivity. It requires presence.
Connection Doesn’t Need to Be Big or Loud
Big gatherings aren’t the only valid way to experience connection.
Small, quiet moments often carry the most warmth.
Try:
Sending one heartfelt message to someone you care about
Sharing a meal with a friend
Doing a small act of kindness for a stranger
Volunteering in a way that feels safe and doable
Creating a gratitude list that includes yourself
Even the simplest interaction can remind you that you are part of a larger web of care.
You Don’t Have to Be “Festive” to Be Worthy
Social pressure tells us we need to perform joy during the holidays. But you are allowed to feel however you feel:
Tired. Excited. Lonely. Hopeful. Numb. Grateful. Angry. Soft. Overwhelmed.
You don’t have to force cheerfulness.
You don’t have to pretend.
You don’t have to apologize for not matching the holiday mood.
Your emotional experience is valid. All of it.
Redefining the Holidays on Your Terms
The heart of The Inclusive Brew’s Holiday Survival Guide is empowerment:
You get to define what the holidays mean for you — not tradition, not family, not social pressure, not expectations.
This season, consider asking yourself:
What do I truly want?
What do I need to feel safe?
Who makes me feel seen?
What can I release?
How can I honor my identity?
What small joys can I create for myself?
You deserve a holiday that feels authentic, grounding, and affirming.
A holiday shaped by your truth.
A holiday where your whole self is welcome.